My Biggest Wardrobe Blunders

Thanks again to those of you who wrote to say how much you like the new ezine format. Glad you like it! We'll be adding a few more things over the next few issues, so be sure to watch for those.

Yes, I did just write last week. But with the Fourth of July holiday next Friday, I decided to move the issue forward a week to accommodate my American readers, many of whom travel over the 4th.

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Not long ago when I was chatting with a friend, she told me about an upcoming function she was attending and what she planned to wear. My confusion must have shown on my face, because she immediately looked alarmed and said, "You don't think that's a good idea?"

I told her no and explained why: she was planning on wear a casual day dress to a formal event.

I suggested that she call someone else who was going and get her take on the matter. She did, and I was right: people dressed up for this event. Melissa was relieved she'd learned it ahead of time instead of going underdressed and feeling like a fool all night.

Yes, I've make P-L-E-N-T-Y of wardrobe mistakes over the years, particularly when I was younger. "Experience is the toughest teacher," as the saying goes. "It gives the test first and the lesson later."

Fortunately, some of my biggest blunders occurred when I was with my family, so my career wasn't threatened.

Unfortunately, some of my biggest blunders occurred when I was with my family, so they've never let me forget them. One of the tales is still making the rounds 25 years later, earning cackles from a whole new generation. You gotta love your family --

Anyway, to show you I'm just as human as the next girl, here's a count down of my top five wardrobe blunders that taught me, trial-by-fire, what does and doesn't work:

After buying a pretty new pair of fabric high heeled sandals one time when I was about sixteen, I decided to wear them for the first time to a cousin's birthday party. My father took one look at my ensemble as we were getting ready to leave and said, "Go change your shoes." I didn't want to. When my mother distracted him, I snuck off and got in the car, disregarding his command. "What could my old man possibly know about fashion?" I reasoned.

The party was at my cousin's farm. After standing near the barbeque pit, taking a tour of the barn, and walking through a pasture to look at a new foal, about the only thing left to do with those shoes after I got home was to throw them in the trash. They were completely ruined.

To his credit, my father didn't say, "I told you so." At least, not in those same words. It was closer to, "You know, there's a reason most people wear sturdy shoes around a farm."

Lesson learned: Don't always disregard unwanted advice, especially when it comes from someone who doesn't often voice an opinion. Instead, ask a few pertinent questions, like: Why?

Back when I worked at a non-profit organization in Houston, my boss and I flew to a software training class in Minneapolis. It was the end of April and a beautiful spring - in Houston. In Minneapolis, it was snowing. We landed in a blizzard.

The next morning, we reported to our training class in our business attire: Pat in her lovely lavender suit, and I in my teal. We felt kind of silly, wearing spring colors in the snow. But when everyone else - including the instructor - showed up for the training class wearing jeans and sweaters, we really felt stupid.

The trainer got kind of sheepish as she looked us over from head to toe. "I guess I should have mentioned that we're pretty casual around here."

Lesson learned: ALWAYS verify the weather and dress code before you travel someplace for a function. People dress differently in different places, so always check to see what's appropriate. NEVER assume anything.

A few days before my brother's wedding, we went to a cousin's house for a big family barbeque. Laughing and carrying on, someone got the bright idea to start throwing people into the swimming pool - with their clothes on! The first victim: my future sister-in-law. Nothing like a little "welcome to the family" dunking to liven things up a bit&ldots;

Anyway, before it was all over, one of my sisters and I also ended up in the pool fully dressed. It was all fun and games - until we went to change. We'd both worn brand new jeans for the occasion, and the unwashed denim mixed with the chlorine from the pool had an interesting effect: it turned our legs blue.

A grayish, greenish blue that did not come off easily. We scrubbed and rubbed and loofahed until our legs burned, but that dye would not come off. My mother was beside herself. We'd be wearing short dresses to the wedding; as sisters of the groom, who WASN'T going to notice our blue legs?

My grandmother finally presented a solution: "Make a paste of lemon juice and baking soda and rub it on your skin. It will come right out."

Lesson learned: "Wash before wearing" doesn't mean wash WHILE wearing, particularly with colors that might bleed or run. Failing that, always keep a few skin-friendly bleaching agents handy, like lemon juice, seltzer, and vinegar.

The first time the shorts suit came into vogue in the early 90's, I felt the need to partake of the trend. I selected a salmon-colored jacket with royal blue trim and matching blue shorts. I paired it with a cream colored shell (blouse) and royal blue heels. The outfit earned rave reviews from the fashionistas at the non-profit where I worked, so I decided to wear it for an important meeting my boss and I had with our tax accountant at a stuffy Big Eight accounting firm in downtown Houston.

As we wandered through the maze of halls en route to the meeting room, people literally stopped to stare at me. Men came out of their offices to watch me walk by. It was all very ego-gratifying.

I needed to use the ladies' room an hour or so later. I'd slipped off my jacket and was wondering the halls in my shell, shorts, and heels. I came around a corner and bumped right into a stocky, short fellow with bad hair, bad breath, and a bad tie. He looked me over in a way that made my skin crawl and said:

"How much?"

It took a moment for his words to register. When they did, I was outraged. I spun around, went back to the meeting room, put on my jacket, and kept my mouth shut the rest of the day.

Is that why they'd all stared at me, because they thought I was a hooker? Good heavens! I never wore that suit again.

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Tame by today's standards, a similar suit (my shorts were about 3" shorter) got me propositioned in the early '90's.

Lesson learned: Always err on the conservative side, particularly when dealing with people in traditional fields. You'll be taken more seriously and get more respect.

When a cadet I knew at the Air Force Academy invited me to his Fall Formal, Mother and I started looking for a gown befitting a military ball. After several days of fruitless searching, Mother decided to sew it herself. We found a Vogue pattern with a fitted bodice, puff sleeves, and full skirt, and we decided it would look lovely made up in a cranberry-colored taffeta.

But making the dress had sorely tested my mother's immediate-level sewing skills. The pins kept popping out of the slick fabric and the full skirt was cumbersome and hard to work with.

So I wasn't entirely surprised when she suggested that I wear it again for a cousin's evening wedding two months later. She could shorten the hem from floor to knee length, and I could get another wearing out of this dress she had worked so hard to create.

But as I walked down the aisle to my seat in that small rural church in Tina, Missouri, population 206, I felt like a fish out of water. Remember that scene in "Enchanted" where Giselle climbs out of the manhole in her voluminous dress only to be gawked at by all those jaded New Yorkers? Well, that's kind of how I felt, only my audience was a bunch of open-mouthed farmers who looked at me like I'd lost my mind.

Well, let's just say that when the reception started at the local union hall, I was taken aback that the champagne was being served in paper Dixie cups; by about the fourth or fifth drink, I really didn't care how it got to me so long as it kept coming. We all danced, decorated the getaway truck with shaving cream, and generally acted like idiots. Or at least, I did.

There's a blackmail picture circulating among my family of me in a droopy taffeta dress covered in shaving cream with shoes off, hosiery destroyed, and looking like thirty miles of bad road. Which is how I felt the next morning after drinking all that champagne.

That was in 1982. The last time we were all together a few years ago, my cousins were sharing the tale with THEIR children, and laughing all over again. (People! Let it go!)

Lessons learned: 1. Over-dressing for a wedding is as inappropriate as under-dressing, particularly if it pulls attention away from the bride. 2. If your behavior doesn't match your costuming, you could become a laughing stock. (Trust me on this one.)

So -- a few laughs at my expense. I'm okay with that, especially if it's caused you to think about a few of your own fashion faux pas and analyze them again from the perspective of time and distance.

We all make mistakes. Some are big; some just SEEM big at the time. Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to think through various situations BEFORE you go to minimize errors. A little planning can make a big difference. Still, things happen that are beyond your control (like being tossed in the swimming pool); try to handle the situation as graciously as possible and strive to do better next time.

Need some more help in averting wardrobe disasters? Download a copy of BUSINESS WEAR MAGIC to learn how to dress properly in the one place where it can matter the most: at work.

http://www.businesswearmagic.com

QUESTION: What's the difference between a Chanel pump and a Spectator pump?

ANSWER: The Chanel pump has a contrasting color on the toe; the Spectator has a contrasting color on the toe AND the heel.

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Chanel Pump

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Specator Pump